Sadness greater than myself

 Sometimes I feel a sadness that seems to be bigger than my body. It overflows me and evaporates into my surroundings. It is like a blue bubble would grow around my body and pushed everyone away. However sometimes there are people that are attracted by the colour of it. They come nearer to me. I am like a wounded elk. My wound is open and they come to put their fingers in. I try to push people away but they come closer and closer. I let it all open, I let the blood flow out. Suddenly all of them turn into tree leaves. They flow away in the river that comes out of the elk's wound. An elk that knows about it's death lies calmly into the snow. A deep forest hugs it with its scent of spring. Another spring comes but the elk is dying. Another winter ends but the elks eyes close with the snow melting away.

I breathe out. I let my sadness flow out, I let it fly away with geese and pigeons. I let my sadness melt away. I breathe in, I smile, I walk again, I run. Not again, I tell myself. And than it happens again. The blue aura grows around me again. A jasmine tea tastes sweet and calming. I flow into its scent. I am the dying elk, but somehow it still breathes on inside of my heart. I am the people that come to touch my wound, but somehow I cannot not understand them, somehow I always see them as good people. 

God calls me from the sky. I see it in peoples eyes. A beauty that cannot be described, another day comes to a rise. The sky clears, I reach out towards my own hand and try to say. You are your own best friend. Never forget that when you are too harsh on yourself. 

And I fall asleep and dream about being Spiderman, jumping from a building to building. Seeing the city from the outside. Running away into the forest. Why havent Spiderman ever thought of that?