心 heart

 I'm really scared of the heart. 

You know sometimes I lay next to the heating, put my headphones on and listen to some calm drone music to rest a little. Lying on my back with hands crossed over my chest like the pharaoh resting in his sarcophagus I suddenly feel my heart beating. It feels like a stone or a balloon or a little sleeping sparrow in his birdhouse. I feel my heart is home and pumping the blood into all my limbs with amazing velocity. I read somewhere that if the pressure is so strong it would shoot blood more than a meter high if you took your heart out. I know, it's gross and I'm sorry but once I read it I can't help but remember it anytime I touch my heart. My heart is pumping, it's at home, it's at work. Same goes for my lungs, without stopping take the air in. I challenge myself to not put my palm of my heart and fight my fear. I feel it pumping and imagine it being there just behind my bones and muscles. I feel so scared, if someone shot me there with an arrow I would surely die. My life depends on it's pumping and maybe it does something more too. The chinese charactere for heart is 心 you can easily see the aorta on the sides. In japanese they still say 心の中で思いました kokoro no naka de omoimashita (they thought inside of their heart) Heart is thought to be the source of vibrations we send into the world. Ancient greeks reckoned we think through heart and brain serves merely to cool the body down. Nowadays we see the heart as a mere pump, I anxiously take the palm of my chest so as to not feel it's pumping, I still feel kinda scared. Life is so fragile, I think to myself and fall asleep.